I'm your lemonade
by ScarletCuteTiger
Summary: A tragic three-shot that has been revised and updated. And practically rewritten. Slash.
1. Tied Together With a Smile

**I'm back.  
****And better than before. So anyways I decided to improve this story, I took out the lyrics and now you have only pure story.  
The song that goes with this chapter is: Tied together with a smile by Taylor Swift  
Disclaimer: I don't own Shapeshifter, Ali Sparkes does, I just love playing with her characters.**

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_**Tied together with a smile**_

Why oh why do you not realise just how amazing you are? I love the way you smile; your eyes; the sparkle in your eyes; the look of pure fascination on your face when you learn something new. Why do you think that you only exist in your brother's shadow? You can be your own person, you don't need him. Why won't you let yourself be who you truly are so that people can appreciate you for being just you, and not half of a double act?

You're amazing; you're beautiful, you're way better than that arrogant fool who is your brother. He's just an idiot who'll do anything for a laugh, even at the expense of others feelings. Plus he thinks it's okay to boss you around and be downright nasty to you but as soon as someone is mean to you he turns into an over protective big brother. He adopts a kind of 'mess with him mess with me' attitude. Well the others are pretty gullible for believing it, he only does it to make every think he's a better person. The way you look, the way you act, I love it. I love you. But you'll never know. You're too blinded by your love for..._him._

Nobody knows. Nobody realises the despair you are feeling. Not even your so-called brother, and he's always snooping around in your head. But I know. I realise. I've seen the way you look at him, and I hate that it's not me who you look at with such adoration in your beautiful eyes. Well they do say that ignorance is bliss. I've also seen the way he looks at Spook. So have you. And you hate it. I know how you feel. The one you love with all your heart and soul loving another with all their heart and soul and being.

Yet you're always smiling; always hiding behind feeble jokes; hiding behind the smile; hiding behind the act; always hiding. You're always trying to hide your love for him. But I've noticed. I know. I found you. You can't hide forever. Even though you wish you could. Nobody can hide forever. Not even an expert like you. In life there is always someone looking for someone who is hiding, and the people looking don't give up and the hiders have to surrender. Remember that. Someday you will surrender to me because I will not give up. I will not give up on you.

You're nice to everyone, even the big headed ones (like Spook) who don't deserve it. I don't get how you manage that. Except you try really hard with Spook – much to Jacob's annoyance – hoping that it'll help you get closer to Darren. It seems you're quite desperate to get close to him. But it's not working. Spook is getting annoyed; Darren is getting upset that Spook isn't happy; and it makes you miserable that Darren is upset. What a vicious circle.

_._

It's not your fault Alex. Oh little Alex if only you knew that it isn't anybody's fault. But while Spook's around he's never going to take any notice of you. Ever. If only he knew, but it's not his fault either. Blinded by love for (in your opinion) the wrong person. If only Darren knew. If only you knew. If only Spook knew. You love Darren, Darren loves Spook, I love you, but everyone is oblivious to everyone but the one they love.

Alex, I'm not stupid. I can tell that the laughter and the smile are just as faked as ever. Though I haven't worked out what your escape is. I hope it's not self-harm; I can't stand the thought of you harming that beautiful body of yours. Maybe you cry yourself to sleep. Maybe you sneak to a secluded spot in the grounds every so often and scream out your frustration. Whatever it is it's not working anymore. I can tell you're letting go. I can tell that you have finally realised what I knew all along. He's not in love with you. He's in love with Spook. An undeserving, idiotic fool who can never know. Alex, my little sweetheart please understand that life is unfair. Please understand that you will always be disappointed. Think of the phrase 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' Please, Alex, understand that life won't stop handing you lemons. Please understand, before it's too late, that I'm your lemonade.

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**Drop a line if you like, I would love some ConCrit.  
Scarlet  
xx**


	2. It's Us Against The World

**Song for this chapter: Bleeding love by Leona Lewis  
****Alex POV**

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_**It's us against the world**_

So I fell in love with you. That's what you wanted right? And you know what? You're the best boyfriend I could ever have. The best ever and I love you with all my heart. So I'm glad you didn't give up on me because if you had I would, by now, be further into that dark metaphorical pit you saved me from. I'm so happy even just being in the same room as you makes a warm feeling spread through me from my head to toe. Except our 'friends' have been giving us a lot of grief. Saying it's not right. I know it's tough for you when they call you a pervert, especially after the hell you went through with your uncle, but they just won't listen when I tell them it's what I want; that it's what we both want. They say it's not normal. Falling in love is a perfectly normal thing to do in life. Just because we're both boys they think us being in love is abnormal. Shows how naïve they are.

They don't understand. They don't get it. Nothing can separate us; nothing at all. We'll be together forever. Two hearts beating as one; one soul in two bodies. I'd take a bullet for you; but if you took one for me I would have to kill myself because I can't live without you. So this is what true love feels like. It's scary, but at the same time_ totally amazing._

But you're breaking Clive. You're starting to wonder if there is any point in carrying on with this life. Let me tell you there is; but I know it's hard; so hard. Please just remember that I love you with all my heart and soul and that my love is definitely something worth living for. Nobody is accepting us for who we are. Even my own flesh and blood is against us. You've even seen it in Owen's eyes. I've seen it in his mind. They're saying it's weird because I'm younger than you. It isn't. Besides every single one of them know that it's an innocent relationship. Please Clive let go of them. If they were really our friends they would be happy for us. I find it hard to Clive. You've lost friends; I've lost my brother.

You make it better for me Clive. As soon as I'm in your arms everything is right again. I'm so glad I have you. As soon as your lips are against mine I'm at peace inside and the outside world melts away. Okay so maybe it's not completely innocent, but there's nothing wrong with kissing right? Especially when it's with the one you love. However they would think it's wrong, heck if Jake was being a good brother at the moment he would probably knock your lights out for kissing me but he doesn't seem to care now. Clive I'm so glad I finally realised that you're the one for me; because, quite simply, I love you.

I'm sure they'll come around. They can't keep this up forever because at the end of the day it's our lives and our choices and it has nothing to do with them. Besides we have to live with them 24/7 everyone will have to accept us soon it really can't go on like this. What they're doing is so unfair; I think they're trying to drive us apart. Maybe they think that if they be so horrible for so long one of us will crack and back down and then split us up and then they'll be happy because that was their goal all along. We won't give them that satisfaction though. We will stick together no matter what, through thick and through thin our love for each other will hold us together. We're not going to give up this fight. For now it's us against the world, my love. It's us against the world.

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**Drop a line if you like, I would love some ConCrit.  
Scarlet  
xx**


	3. You Left Me

**Song for this chapter: A place where you belong by Bullet for my valentine  
****Alex's POV**

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_**You Left Me**_

Why oh why? Why Clive? Why did you leave me Clive? Why?

It was bad enough that you left me. But you actually intended me to find you. You wanted me to be the first to know. You wanted me to see my one true love hung there, lifeless, dead. Dead. That's what you are. Dead. My love, gone forever. How could you be so selfish? I was finding it hard to but I would never have dreamt of leaving you to face it all alone. You were what kept me going, day in day out knowing I would see your beautiful smile again. Now you only survive in my heart. Now I'm missing you and wishing I were dead too. Obviously I'll have to join you. But of course they expected that. Owen hasn't let me out of his sight since I found you three days ago. Ever since I found there lifeless in our special place, so many happy times there now ruined forever. He says he's making sure I'm okay. Translation: Suicide watch. They think I'm going to join you. They know that I'm so lost, so miserable without you that all I'll want to do is be with you. They say you committed suicide. I agree; but why, darling, why?

Clive I feel so betrayed. You gave me no warning. There was no goodbye. Just one day you were there, the next you were gone. After all we've been through you could leave me just like that. Maybe you just couldn't take it anymore. I don't understand why you didn't tell me my love. I could've helped you. But you kept it bottled up. If I'd have known maybe you would still be here, properly, and not just a memory, not just a ghost of a smile, a light imagined touch. I found comfort in the hugging and kissing. What was your comfort?

Your funeral was absolutely awful for me. I cried all the way through. I barely stop crying these days. All those people in black clothes, who didn't know you, were talking about you as if they did. If they really knew you they would've known something was wrong. I knew something was wrong. But you never told me what it was. I wish you did, because then you might still be here, it's a big might though, one that I won't be holding onto for much longer. I didn't have enough time to find out either. You didn't give me enough time Clive. You could've talked to me, you could've at least waited until I found out what was wrong and then tried to help you; if you did it that way I wouldn't be having such a hard job understanding why you left me.

I hope heaven is nice for you darling. There's no way that you went anywhere else. I guess you deserve to be an angel now. Unless you're still with me and I just can't see you. But, no, that can't be. If you were here I would feel you. I would feel whole. I would feel like me, I would be complete. But I don't. I'm not even half a person without you Clive; I'm a quarter, an eighth. Oh how I wish I was with you my love. Or you were with me.

Be there when I come for you Clive; and I will because there's no way I'm staying here. Not with all their pitying looks and attempts to bring me back to life even though I'm not entirely dead. Yet. I need you to lead me to where you belong; because I belong where you are. And you obviously thought that we belong in the place you left me for. Just to feel your soul close to mine again. I'd do anything.

But for now I must stay here because Owen is watching me like a hawk. But it will be soon my love, soon. Soon we will be together again. Soon I will be rid of this damn world just like you are. Soon, Clive, soon. We will be together again and we'll be free and happy. Still I will never forget – you left me.

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**The end.**  
**Drop a line if you like I would love some ConCrit.**  
**Scarlet**  
**xx**  
**PS: There is a sequel to this called After Alex**  
**xx**


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